Wow, so the last couple of months have been cray-zee to say the least! I haven’t been that active on the blog because, well, life…
Apart from life just getting in the way, I have sorta been back and forth a bit with how to proceed with the blog. Basically I’m not ‘a blogger’, I’m just someone who occasionally writes posts on my blog. I’m into blogging, I follow bloggers and watch youtube videos and I would actually love to be ‘a blogger’ as they say, or even a ‘social influencer’ if you will. The more I see people going out on a limb and making a living talking about things that interest them and basically just being themselves, the more I want in. But there’s a couple of things holding me back which I thought I would write down and put out into the atmosphere. I’m not sure why but I’m compelled to do it anyway. So whats’s holding me back?
- That constant feeling that what I like or am interested in isn’t interesting enough for other people. I mean I’m ordinary, I don’t have an extravagant life or any crazy or niche hobbies or things that I’m fanatical about. I feel like maybe people just aren’t really interested in what I’m up to or what my thoughts on things are. What is it I have to offer?
- I’m not an expert… in anything at all. I like fashion and shopping (I shop a lot), but I would never say that I’m particularly fashionable. I have my own style that changes with my moods, but again I wouldn’t say I stand out from the crowd with my choices. I like food and cooking, but I wouldn’t be the next Nigella. I love makeup but I’m low maintenance. I like hair styling and colouring and tattoos and fitness and well lots of random unimportant things, but maybe the problem is that I think my interests are unimportant?
- The thoughts that people probably think I have, as we Irish like to call them, ‘Notions’.
I’d like to elaborate a bit on that last point because its kind of what brought me to writing this post in the first place.
I would say that I’m quite a confident person, without being too in your face confident (I think, well I hope). I mean I have insecurities like everyone else as you will gather from reading this post, but I guess at the end of the day, I like myself. I like who I am and I’m pretty comfortable being me. Well most of the time, like day to day getting on with my life, being with friends and even strangers.
Putting yourself out there, like I mean out-out, like on the internet for everyone to see is another thing, its quite intimidating and I don’t find it easy. I guess I am the sort of person who can put myself out there because I suppose thats what I’m doing right now, but honestly it makes me squeamish. Totally uncomfortable. I try step out of my comfort zone to produce a new blog post now and again because I like blogging and the world around it. But for every 5 mins of excitement or enthusiasm I feel when I think of a topic or idea, there’s this worry about being judged, not just about your thoughts or ideas, but judgement on why you are doing what your doing, that people will think you have ‘Notions’ about yourself. As in, does she think people actually want to know how she cooked that meal, she must think she’s great. Or, why is she showing us what she’s wearing today, does she think we’re all wondering where she got that top from? As I said Notions.
I myself don’t think I have Notions. Sometimes I think ‘I’m feeling my outfit today’ or ‘I seen all this great stuff browsing asos, maybe I’ll put a list together of my favourites’ or ‘I’ve been having this conversation in my head for a few days maybe I’ll write it down and post it on the blog for everyone to see and judge me to bits’ ok that last one is only half true. But you get what I mean 🙂
I’d like to get to a point where I’m confident about ideas I have and just get joy out of the posts I put together instead of the anxiety that they are probably boring and unintelligent. I’d like to get to a point where I can come up with an idea and just go for it instead of chickening out before I’ve even developed the idea.
I’m so inspired by the people who post regularly about all sorts of things from whole posts about a new pair of runners to human rights issues and everything in between. I’d like to be one of those people who just goes for it and are unapologetic no matter what their content. I think it will be a work in progress but for now I’ll start with this post and try to build on my blog bit by bit as things come and go and maybe someday I’ll be posing away on each of my blog posts like an actual lifestyle blogger (really not sure about that one). For now anyway thats all my thoughts on how I’m going with it, I’m hoping confidence will come with time, better just post this before I chicken out 🙂
Thanks for reading,
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For anyone wondering my necklace is from a lovely Etsy seller BeOrKNOTtobe which I purchased myself 🙂